Who doesn’t dream or have some kind of image in their head that they want to bring to real life. I myself dream of free Palestine and I dream of the day that I would enter the city of Gaza and drive in the streets waiting to meet my family. A lovely dream isn’t it? I tell my mother that I would love to meet my grandparents one day, I would love to see where they live and where my grandfather works and what my grandmother does on a normal day.
I am growing older everyday, wishing I would see my uncles and aunts in Gaza. I want to meet my cousins and hug them and tell them how lucky they are to be living in their country; on their land. Many people just like I wish to be in their position even if the life they lived was dangerous. My father left Palestine when he was one year old and lived in Iraq for most of his life; he as well knows so little about his own country. All he knows is the ancient Palestinian history and the modern one. My mother as well never had the chance to live in Palestine she moved to Jordan when she was about a year old. Does it seem like an impossible dream right now to fulfill? I am hoping not.
I lived my life on the go. I move from one place to the other, I hate it! I hate to see people living in their own countries while I don’t. I hate it when people are able to go wherever they want and enter all the countries they want while I don’t. I can travel to any where in the world except for one place. I was denied to enter this land with no reason at all. I am denied to enter my own country why? Because I am Palestinian. I laugh hysterically and look at myself in the mirror and say “Guess what Farah! You’re not allowed to enter Palestine because you’re Palestinian!” I continue to laugh.
I dream of a free Palestine, of a united country. I dream of Palestine and only for the Palestinians. Why is this dream so hard to bring over to reality? Why is it so hard to achieve? I lived all my life abroad trying to understand the reason why, the reason why I live outside of Palestine while my cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents and everyone in the family lives in Palestine. Why does it have to be me who lives outside! I feel so unlucky.
I hear people on a daily basis from Palestine demanding to get out of Palestine to live abroad and I think how careless you are. Don’t you love your country?! Do you not realize that there are so many outside of Palestine waiting for the chance to get in? I swear if someone around here is up to swap places with me I will be at his stand. *sigh* Palestine… when will I ever kiss your ground, hug your trees, breath in your air, and live and die where you are.
I have one fear. I fear of growing old and not being able to visit Palestine. I fear this moment in my life where I am at my deathbed wishing I was in Palestine. My only wish is to die in Palestine, and be buried in Palestine; the holy land.
This land is so precious to me and surely many other Palestinians. I can’t give it away, I don’t want to share it with anyone, and I would die for my land in order to protect it. I am sure if you were in my place you would do the exact same. You wouldn’t let go of your land, wherever you live there is always a land out there that is more precious to you than any other place in the world. I am sure you would pay so much to protect it. You would die to protect that land of yours. I am exactly the same, I live in Canada yet, I don’t consider Canada my country even thought I love Canada, it’s a safe country and it provided me and many other people rights and freedom. But I have something else on my mind; I have Palestine on my mind. This has become an addiction; and obsession. I can’t live a day without thinking of Palestine. I love Palestine with all my heart, and I look for that one day where I’ll be able to visit Palestine and my relatives in Gaza.
Farah Said.
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